17 y/o son refuses to be a part of his estranged father's new family after losing his mother: ‘I was forced to be [in the family] against my will’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Nov 16, 2025 11:00 AM EST

When you lose a loved one, finding a way to bounce back is challenging. You look for them in everyone else and become frustrated when nobody lives up to what they were. We live in a complicated, senseless world, and trying to make sense of grief is moot. Grief is not linear, and those who expect you to warm up to new people in your life following the loss of a loved one will never fully understand the weight of this grief.

This commonly happens with children who lose their parents, whether that's to divorce or something far worse. You don't want to dream of a world where someone else takes your guardian's place; It feels like time should be stopped, indefinitely, until they somehow show up in your life again someday, like their departure was all just some silly misunderstanding. When the surviving parent decides to remarry, the world stops—just not in the way you wanted it to.

The teen in the story below holds a grudge against his estranged father and his new girlfriend after they decide to try to parent him following his mother's passing. The teen would have rather lived with his grandmother and grandfather, who actually knew him. Now, the teen refuses to get into his family feels because, to him, they are nothing of the sort.

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  • 01
    a teen looking out of a window solemnly
    via Jaturawit Thumrongkitcharoenkul for Unsplash
  • 02

    "AITAH for refusing to be a part of my father's family for the time I have to live with them and letting them know they can let me live with my actual family if it hurts their feelings so bad?"

    My mom and dad's relationship broke up when I (17M) was 2. Mom had full custody of me, dad was given visitation but never took it.
    via Logaolyoo
  • 03
    He moved a couple of hours away and he didn't try to be my parent. So for as long as I can remember my mom was the only parent I recognized.
    via logaolyoo
  • 04
    I used to think he at least paid child support but when mom was sick I found out he owed $15,000 in child support because he wasn't always good about paying and he was even worse about paying the child support debt.
    via logaolyoo
  • 05
    A year ago my mom had a stroke and she died 7 weeks later. To make a shitty situation even worse the social worker from the hospital contacted CPS and they spoke to my dad and told him about mom dying and asked if he would take full custody of me.
    via logaolyoo
  • 06
    I wanted to stay with my grandparents or my aunt or even my uncle. Any of them would have worked for me.
    via logaolyoo
  • 07
    They were all willing too. CPS said I needed to be with my parent. Dad said yes and a judge ruled in favor of dad over my actual family.
    via logaolyoo
  • 08
    I spoke to the judge and explained my dad was a stranger and I didn't want to live with him but he told me it would be good for me to have a shot at a dad and he said I needed to make it work until I was 18.
    via logaolyoo
  • 09
    My dad remarried a few years ago and he's been raising his wife's son (6) since they were dating.
    via logaolyoo
  • 10
    I wasn't happy about living with them and I let my dad and his wife know.
    via logaolyoo
  • 11
    She told me I'd fit right in and we'd be a family in no time. I don't think she expected me to not want this to work.
    via logaolyoo
  • 12
    I refused to sit and eat with them, I refused to take the part of an older brother to her son, I refused to talk to her about my feelings and I don't call them mom and dad or even parents.
    via logaolyoo
  • 13
    I use their names. I stay out of the house pretty often and I refused to try family therapy with them.
    via logaolyoo
  • 14
    I didn't say a single word with them in the room and to the therapist alone I said I didn't want to be a part of their family and I wasn't going to make any effort to try this.
    via logaolyoo
  • 15
    I've left and gone to my grandparents house a few times without saying anything and his wife showed up threatening to get the judge involved again and CPS.
    via logaolyoo
  • 16
    So I'd go back in case my grandparents got into any kind of trouble. I'd ignore her lectures about respecting her and dad more.
    via logaolyoo
  • 17
    She's 6 months pregnant as of now and she's going crazy with stress because the baby changes nothing for me.
    via logaolyoo
  • 18
    pregnant couple husband and wife hugging each other
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    I don't care that the kid is related to me through blood, I don't care that she wants us to be a real family and I don't care if it hurts their feelings that I don't want to be their family.
    via logaolyoo
  • 20
    My stance has not changed. My dad and his wife tried to sit me down a few days ago to appeal to my sense of whatever they called it I don't really remember now.
    via logaolyoo
  • 21
    But they said they wanted me to try and be a part of the family at least until I'm 18 and move out.
    via logaolyoo
  • 22
    They said as long as I'm here and they're trying I should try. I said I won't and I don't care if it hurts their feelings and they can always send me home to my family if it hurts that bad.
    via logaolyoo
  • 23
    My dad's wife asked me what the hell was wrong with me and how come I had no compassion for the innocent kids involved in this.
    via logaolyoo
  • 24
    I told her I was forced to be there against my will and I wasn't co- operating to make her kids happy.
    via logaolyoo
  • 25
    I don't think my dad wants to keep me. He won't come out and say it but it feels like this is all his wife and maybe him avoiding child support.
    via logaolyoo
  • 26
    But she's way more proactive than him and she dominates those talks we've had. AITAH?
    via logaolyoo

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family dynamics family drama entitled parents entitlement reddit story family feud parenting entitled family reddit thread parent Reddit Parenting Fail parents entitled people Parenting FAILS
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